When you step into the world of an executive man, you’ll notice a few things. Everything sparkles like a diamond around this unicorn-esque creature who seems to omit a type of glow that attracts every yes-man and woman within a 2 mile radius. When you’re in the same room as him you immediately start to feel butterflies like you’ve never felt before and these little suckers explode inside your core the minute you get his attention. Of course you’ve gotten butterflies from regular, good looking men before, but this time it’s amplified because you’ve got an audience. When he chooses to interact with you, you step into his glow. All the eyes that fall on him, hoping for some face-time with him, now fall on you too. You literally feel like you’re the only girl in the world. Rhi Rhi knows what I’m talking about.
But what happens after you’ve got his attention, had a few conversations with him, and the butterfly effect starts to simmer down?
You start to notice something else.
If you’ve got more than a big old pile of cotton candy between your ears, you start to actually listen to him speak. Not just the WAY he speaks, dripping in seductive confidence, but you actually start to notice WHAT he chooses to talk about.
What an executive man chooses to talk about when he is away from work gives you an idea of how he chooses to spend his time outside of work. This is what I use to classify him as either a bubble or a diamond.
Remember when you were a kid and all the teachers used to say, “Be nice to the nerds because you might end up working for them one day”? Well, do you remember what those nerds were like? They were smart…and not much else. Do you know why they were smart? Because they spent most of their time, if not all of it, studying. Nerds, very likely, grew up to be the type of executive men that I like to call bubbles. Like the nerds who were smart and not good at much else, bubbles are good at one thing; work.
Why do I call them bubbles? Because a bubble is good at one thing; holding air. What happens when you touch a bubble? It pops. It stops existing.
A bubble’s entire identity and most of his existence revolves around the work he does. When people ask a bubble what he does for work, he replies by saying, “I am a doctor, accountant, basketball player, etc…” versus saying, “I provide financial advice to business owners.” He tells you what he IS vs what he DOES. It is his whole entire freaking identity. He’s spent many years trying to become good at what he does well today. This means he’s spent hours and hours in a day and many days in a row, doing that same thing he’s good at doing today. That left him with little time to take interest in anything else.
Here are a few examples of bubbles and what you can expect from them.
The Professional Athlete
He spent his whole life perfecting dribbling, kicking or throwing a ball or shooting a puck. Since he works nights (yes, ladies, most games are played in the evening), he either sleeps, trains or attends practice during the day, unless he’s spending his time eating enough for five people. He very likely didn’t finish college or university and if he did, he probably just passed his courses instead of getting straight A’s. He was expected to be good at his game and he lived up to that expectation. When you add all of this up, you begin to understand why he is usually very engaged and enthusiastic in conversations centered on sports. When other topics come up, he’s often quiet and may feel out of place. This is a huuugge contrast from his confident, chest beating self when its game time.
He spent at least 10 years studying how to save a life. After graduating from medical school and getting his nose out of textbooks, he’s putting in 12-36 hour shifts poking people in places that normally don’t see the light of day. This includes on weekends and possibly nights. What does this mean? It means he is perpetually freaking exhausted. When he’s not dealing with his own patients, he is catching up on sleep or reading about someone else’s patients in medical journals so he doesn’t fall behind on new treatment standards. In short, his brain is always full of medical crap. This means medical crap will, more often than not, come out of his mouth. Ask him what the side effects of (pick a drug) are and he’ll cheerfully list them off for you. That’ll be followed by a line of questioning to the tune of why, how and how often you are taking it. And THAT will be followed by suggestions on alternate therapies. Ask him what the newest version of the iPhone is. I bet you he’ll quickly redirect the conversation to why there still isn’t a cure for cancer yet.
He crunches numbers. All day. Everyday. He does math on top of math, on top of math. Math. For. Days. He is good at math. In fact, he’s amazing at it. Like the pro athlete who is celebrated for putting a ball in a net, the accountant is celebrated for always arriving at the correct answer or best financial outcome for his clients. In the beginning of his career, he does very little talking to people so he’s likely not very good at it. He studies numbers and is likely more familiar with a calculator than a woman’s body. Later on in his career, assuming he’s got a few promotions under his belt, he starts talking to people about how the size of their bank account reflects their actions. His conversations might go something like this:
“Did you hear about the new tax laws? They spell trouble for small business owners.”
“Oh you had lunch at that new restaurant. Did you meet with a client? If so, I can write it off.”
Geez Louise, who talks about a restaurant and doesn’t ask what the food was like?? I’ll tell you who. An accountant. Like doctors, accountants bill for their time. The more they work, the more money they make, so often times they choose to work. A lot. This leaves little time for anything else.
If you try to talk to a bubble about everyday things like world events, technology, books, food or hobbies, he’s usually got little to contribute to the conversation.
And ladies, don’t be fooled…if he can’t talk the talk, he definitely can’t walk the walk either. For example, if talking about food doesn’t excite him, he’s not trying to go to a food festival with you or take you to that new restaurant on his own accord.
When a bubble retires at the end of his career, he loses his identity and loses himself. Take a look at the example of pro athletes whose careers ended due to injury or retirement. They often ended up fat with drug problems, depressed or broke. They looked for unhealthy ways to fill their time. This is because they never learned to balance filling their time for all the years in their life prior to retiring.
Bubbles may be good for short-term relationships, but steer clear of bubbles if you’re looking for serious commitment, ladies. You don’t want to get stuck with that ungodly mess!
Unlike a bubble, a diamond will shine in any setting. He is open to new experiences, tired or not. He makes time to learn and try new things. Where bubbles are stuck in a rut, a diamond will always find a way to drive new energy into his life. He will do this regardless of what you bring to the table in the way of your own interests. This means he is able to express interest and engage in meaningful conversation about most topics, even if they are new to him.
I like to think of a diamond as a jack-of-all-trades. He strives to grow personally, intellectually and professionally. He pushes his own boundaries repeatedly and appreciates a woman who can encourage him to evolve outside of his comfort zone in multiple areas of his life. A diamond isn’t afraid to hear the word no, appreciates a good challenge and often seeks out alternate perspectives.
Diamonds surrounds themselves with people who know things they want to learn about. They often have a side hustle or a project or two underway that they spend time on when they’re not working.
I know doctors, pro athletes and even accountants who have hobbies, interests or side hustles. However, the men I speak of are exceptional cases and usually quite difficult to find. Often, it is business owners and entrepreneurs who the world once wrote off as lost, unfocused rebels that usually fall into the diamond category. Why? Because these men are more accustomed to doing what they want to do when the desire arises. They call it following their passion (hint: it requires being multi-passionate).
If you want to find out quickly whether the executive you’re talking to is a bubble or a diamond, ask him what he does with his time when he’s not working. Ask him what he does to mentally take his mind off work. If he says he curls up in front of Netflix with his favourite bottle of (pick an adult beverage) every weekend, then he’s probably a bubble. Let him take you on a few dates, but keep it casual. If he says he volunteers for (pick a non-profit), head on over to the “Keep Him” category of this blog to find out what you need to do to keep that diamond.