I fully expect men who read this post to call me a big baby in more creative ways, but its cool. Someone’s gotta say the tough stuff and I’m okay with being that guy.
The culture of double standards that executive men perpetuate against women in romantic relationships is seldom discussed. Likely because it has nothing to do with the glass ceiling. I beg to differ. Read on to see why I’m not being crazy.
Let’s get right into it.
He can put away nachos and beer like it’s a marathon and wear a belly like a champ. But you, you gotta have the opposite kinds of curves. A tiny waist, thick hips and brag worthy breasts. Then, when all you eat are salads and stop drinking alcohol, you’re not fun anymore.
He can spend his time outside of work watching the game, binging on Netflix or continuing to work. But you need to be well rounded, have interests and talents that make you a pleasure to listen to. Yes, listen to, because he isn’t about to engage in a conversation with you about the Bachata classes you take.
He can rock a beard and a homeless man’s style all in the name of hustling. But you had better not have a hair anywhere on your body except for your head. You also need to have fabulous hair, smooth skin and flawless nails. Basically, you need to look like a 10. Kind of like the Victorias’s Secret model that his buddies expect him to bag because he’s a successful executive or on his way to becoming one.
He spends his time chasing dollars. But you become the gold digger when you start having expectations about how he spends that money to make you happy (this is vastly different from him spending money on you – but he doesn’t get that). Meanwhile, he expects you to spend your own fortunes on making sure that you’re a pleasure for him to look at, listen to and do.
He spent years hustling, so he doesn’t have any practice with dating or how to treat women. He can range from completely awkward to so by-the-book that he comes off as insincere, scripted or opportunistic. But since he’s successful, he expects this to be overlooked. You, on the other hand, have experience with dating men, Instead of taking your lead on the relationship front, what does he do? He calls you a slut. Why? Because your relationship experience intimidates him and the little boy in him needs a big bad label to hide behind.
If you haven’t picked up on it already, he thinks he can play by a different set of rules by playing the success card.
Ladies, the best thing to do when these double standards take the oh-so-necessary paper bags off their unfortunate looking heads is to address them ASAP. Call his ass out. Because if you don’t, these little double standards will snowball into bigger ones. The big ones will cripple your relationship exactly when you’re in too deep. Trust me when I say that you’ll end up in a compromised position if you allow double standards to continue.
When he likes the fact that you’re a smart, independent, career oriented woman. But then expects you to drop your career in a heartbeat to follow him around the globe as he chases his own opportunities for success. Then, when you want to rely on the income of his international success to maintain your interests, yes, the same ones that made you so appealing initially, it’s a problem for him.
Or how about the fact that he passive aggressively sets expectations for you to maintain a certain physique? Then he wants you to have kids that he expects not to help raise. Oh, and your body needs to snap right back into shape in 3 months like those Instagram moms.
When you come to these types of crossroads, its easy for him to throw down a “get in line or get out” ultimatum. By then, you’ve already given up too much. If you haven’t set the standard of squashing double standards, you’re in for a fight that will likely not result in make up sex.
Nip it in the bud. HARD. Let him know exactly where you stand and that where you stand, none of this shit flies. Do it early and do it often.
It is fair for you to expect him to carry the financial burden of supporting the lifestyle you worked hard to provide for yourself before you met him. This is only if he asks you to give up your career. He could ask you to give up your career to support his ambitions or to make his babies. Don’t ever think he doesn’t owe you financial security in return for making sacrifices to support his hustle or your collective goals.
And never EVER commit to a man who wants you to give him babies but refuses to support both your lifestyle and his kids.
If you’re stuck in a relationship where double standards are rampant, my fist offers services where it will gladly knock some sense into your executive man for a small fee. 🙂 Sign up for the Candy Jar below if you’re curious about pricing or the next post!