Over the centuries the strategy to attract a man has been pretty straight forward. Cleavage, hair, make-up, stilettos and a scent to seal the deal.

I’m sorry, but I’m about to turn your world upside down, ladies.

Successful men don’t work this way. All of the above will get one to maybe look at you. At the most, he’ll throw a smile your way. But that’s it.

For successful men, where you meet them and how you meet them is just as important as what you look like when you meet them. And all of this plays an important role in how you attract a smart, successful man.

Let me paint a picture for you real quick.

A regular Joe Shmoe man walks into a strip club. He sees a pretty stripper. She notices him drooling over her from across the room so she makes eyes at him. She does this to see if he calls her over. He does. She attracts him but only to the extent that he wants a lap dance from her. He is not trying to find a wife in this strip club. Why? Because context matters.

Now, instead of going to the strip club, let’s put Joe Shmoe in a bar. And instead of seeing a pretty stripper, he sees a beautiful woman making eyes at him. If Joe asks this woman for a lap dance, he’d probably get punched in the dick. Why? Because context matters. So, instead, he might offer to buy her a drink and start a friendly conversation to try to get to know her before asking her for her number. Joe is more likely to consider dating this woman vs the pretty stripper.

Now, let’s say Joe Shmoe is Mr. Joe Shmoe, the owner of a real estate development company.

And instead of going to a bar, we put him at an industry conference. The conference is full of mostly men whom he mostly already knows. There are a few women who attend, some of whom he knows. But because there are so few women in attendance compared to men, he notices the ones that he hasn’t seen before. Let me repeat, he NOTICES these women. He isn’t attracted to them. Yet.

Unless he talks to them, he doesn’t know if these women are from competing firms, supplier firms or client firms. And because he is an executive, he puts the business relationship (supplier, competitor, client) before any other type of potential romantic relationship. If he really wants to talk to one of these women, he’ll ask around about her first and then will approach her in a very professional manner. No pick-up lines. Just, “Hi, I’m Joe. Is this your first time at this conference?”.

Also, in the last example, the woman he approaches is very likely not wearing any visible cleavage.

This begs the question how do three very different types of women attract the same man?

The answer is it depends on what he wants from a woman. And context matters. Did I mention that context matters?? As an example, he wouldn’t expect to wife a stripper. Not that strippers can’t be wives, but executive men suffer from what I like to call super model syndrome. Super models get to be very selective about who they date. Executive men feel the same way owing to their success. You know in Hollywood movies with drug lords who are all villainy? You know how they have a closed off VIP area in the club and they get to literally pick which women get to join them? Yea, that’s like the executive male equivalent of Disney princesses for 6 year old girls. The only difference is that he has the means to act on his fantasies.

So, how do you attract a successful man?

Here are 5 things you can start doing today to attract a successful men:

1) Look good

Looking good doesn’t mean throwing on a dress that you can’t breathe in with the twins popping out while balancing on a pair of stilettos. Looking good means taking care of your health so that you are in the best physical shape, so your skin glows and your hair shines. Wearing make-up is okay as long as it adds to your natural features. You should not look like cake face or be an assault to his senses in any way. That also means picking a scent that is seductive, but not too strong.

As far as outfits go, leave a little something something to the imagination. Dress in a figure flattering manner. Wear clothes that you feel beautiful in. Heels don’t hurt either…unless you’re standing in them for more than two straight hours. Believe me when I say that there are plenty of women throwing cleavage in his face. That saying “people want what they can’t have” is very true, especially for successful men who prefer a bit of a chase.

2) Feel good

Wellness might be a “hippie” concept, but mentally feeling good is SO important. When it comes to being able to attract successful men, being balanced is key. Knowing what you want personally and professionally is key. When you feel good about who you are, where you are in life and where you’re headed, you give off a consistent and calm vibe. And that is the best way to attract people in general, let alone successful men.

On the other hand, if you’re constantly worrying about the future or about what people think of you, you’ll give off a very stressful vibe. That makes people, especially men, run like hell in the opposite direction because more likely than not, you’ll spend most of your time complaining about your circumstances. There is nothing more attractive than confidence and that comes from feeling positive about yourself. Take the time to practice self love and self care. Oprah’s book, The Wisdom of Sundays is a great place to start learning about all the life changing and free ways that you can practice this type of wellness.

3) Learn to speak his language

Believe it or not, even successful men feel uber nervous when they talk to attractive women. Often, these men are so immersed in their work that they may not quite know how to talk to a beautiful woman about anything other than business. This is especially true of younger executives. The conversation can get very boring very quickly even if you use your own interests to try to spark conversation. But, if you can make him feel comfortable and make the conversation flow effortlessly, then I promise he won’t forget you..which means he’ll want to see you again. A few ways to do this is by familiarizing yourself with things that successful men often tune into. These things include stuff like sports, books, political or economic events, investment opportunities, and new technology. Not all executive men will be interested in all of those categories, but chances are that he will be interested in at least one.

I’ve put together a list of 10 conversation starters that have helped me put successful men at ease on first dates. They’ve also helped me to get to know these men and decide if the man sitting across the table from me is right for me. You can get this list of 10 conversation starters for free here by subscribing to the Candy Jar.

4) Say no

Yup, you read that right. Successful men are constantly surrounded by “yes” men. People who tip toe around him and do everything in their power to be able to say exactly what he wants to hear. Sounds like a dream right? No. What is day without night? What is heat without cold? Contrast, my lovelies, is the spice off life.

If you don’t want to be ignored, get comfortable with growing a pair and disagreeing with him. Saying no also involves letting him know what is acceptable and what it not, and setting your boundaries and expectations. If he asks you out and you already have prior commitments scheduled on the day he suggests, say no. If he’s being inappropriate in any way, whether physically or in his opinion on a certain topic, feel free to let him know. Do not throw yourself at him. Being constantly agreeable is the same shit as whipping out the twins and saying “wanna pet them?”. If you’re talking about the new Star Wars movie and he’s going on and on about how he loves it, but you hate it, speak up. Don’t just say you didn’t like it. Explain why. Executive men like to be challenged to think in new ways.

5) Have your own shit

Successful men are hyper paranoid about gold diggers. If you don’t need or want his wealth because you are capable of satisfying your own material needs and he knows it, then his guard comes down. This means that he will chill the fuck out and actually take the time to get to know you. There is no better way to attract an executive man more than showing him you don’t need him for material or professional reasons. If you’re faking it, he will find out eventually.

One of the most important things my mom told me while growing up was to make sure I never needed to depend on a man to provide literally anything for me. She tattooed it on my brain. Ever since then I’ve had difficulty even accepting gifts from others or allowing men to pay for dates. But I’ve come a long way in finding balance and learning that it’s okay to accept gifts from a man, but I usually don’t accept gifts that I can’t afford to buy for myself. Always remember, if he’s giving you something, he’s going to expect something in return. Are you willing to play that game? If a lightbulb just turned on, go back and read number 4.

The thing with successful men is that it takes a while to completely attract one. Looking good is just the tip of the ice berg. If you can show him that you’re nothing like the women who constantly throw themselves at him, you’ll pique his interest and give him the chase that he’s been craving since he stepped into his executive life.

The successful man who does give his attention to women who throw themselves at him is just looking for an easy lay. He’ll get bored in two days and she’ll wonder why he doesn’t call her anymore. Don’t be that chick unless shark week is around the corner and you need someone to make your toes curl asap.



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