How big is his junk? How long can he last in bed? Is he a good kisser? How many times can he make my toes curl? Can he make my toes fall off completely?
I’m going to let you in on a secret that you will absolutely not hear anywhere else.
I want to change the way we talk about sex.
I want to start by offering some food for thought:
Before I share my 5 sex tips with you, I need to give you a bit of context. I’m going to tell you two stories, one about Chad and one about Tony.
Tony, on the other hand, also from an immigrant family, has siblings and was a bit of a badass growing up.
Now tell me, how healthy is a man’s sexual perception going to be if his sexual diet consists of Disney as a child, mixed with Hollywood/Bollywood’s interpretation of physical intimacy and porn as a young adult?
Ladies, you’d be surprised at how many successful men there are who have limited sexual experience.
1. Share your sexual experience without bragging or being intimidating.
We women are often expected to downplay our sexual experience out of fear of being called a slut. My advice is don’t downplay shit. Own your truth, girl! And besides that, being honest is the only way to set the bar where it belongs. Just don’t do it in a sexually suggestive manner. You know, where you bat your fake eyelashes and bite your matte red lips. Yeah, get rid of that until you know he’s comfortable with meeting your sexual expectations because he’ll find that intimidating. The goal here is not to turn him on. It’s to ensure he doesn’t run away thinking he won’t be able to deliver the goods. Have a nice clear heart to heart conversation with him.
2. Don’t expect him to meet or beat expectations.
I mean of course you want him to totally beat the hell out of your expectations over and over and over again 5 times a day. Who doesn’t? But again, if you start even hinting at having expectations, he will shut down or implode. Think of Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory every time Amy gets even slightly hot and bothered. Or think of Richard Hendricks from Silicon Valley in season 4, episode 6, where he has the most awkward sex to ever make its’ way into scripted television. I mean, seriously, it took 4 whole entire seasons. But, it’s because that’s how it is in real life. You’ll have to tell your man, using very direct words, that you have no expectations and you’ll need to really sell it. Hold his hand, comfort him, make him buy it. And then get yourself on board with the fact that he will not meet or beat your sexual expectations. There, there, big girls don’t cry. This is temporary.
3. Learn about his sexual experience.
Ask him questions about his sexual experience without interrogating him. This means that your questions should feel like he’s having a conversation. That means you’ll have to carefully craft your questions so that they build on each other. For example, start him off easy by asking him how many women he’s dated. Then ask him how many of those were long term relationships. If he’s smart, and most executives are as far as I’m told, he’ll ask you what your definition of “long term” is. See? Conversation. If his answer is a number other than zero, it’s safe to ask how far he ventured sexually in that long-term relationship. Preface the question with “you don’t have to answer that if you don’t feel comfortable”. He might break a sweat or squirm before answering honestly. If he is honest, then he gets the benefit of you not having any expectations. If he’s anything but honest, then girl, throw tip number 2 out the damn window.
4. Ask him where it hurts.
Not literally, but you know how a doctor asks you to tell her where it hurts? Same deal. Ask him what he’s not comfortable with sexually, what he doesn’t think he’s good at, where he thinks he could use a bit more practice and what he’d like to try. Even go as far as asking him if he has any apprehensions about sex if he’s never had it before. You’re not a mind reader. You won’t know if you don’t ask him and getting this information is vital to successfully executing tip number 5. Remember, always be genuine and never force him to give you information that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing. If you do, he’ll lie and you don’t want that.